my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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