dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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