I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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