Im at strip club and am horny
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
