i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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