It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
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i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
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When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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