you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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