We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
