i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
