Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
