I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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