Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
