I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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