ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
