I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Shame is for Republicans.
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