Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
