4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
