Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
