You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
where are my eyebrows?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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