what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
