either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
