Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
