I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
