I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're not piercing ourselves today.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
