Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
