A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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