Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
