She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
