ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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