just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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