I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
