I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
