I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
