Me. At least after what I've been through.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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