this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
