I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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