Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
