Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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