Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
