I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
