mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
