How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
