you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
