its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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