well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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