I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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