He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
