Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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