So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
