Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
