i permit you to call me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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