is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
