he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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