i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
