Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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