atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
