We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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