I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
