just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
