Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
