we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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