i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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