I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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