Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
