I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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