never play flip cup with pint glasses
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
