Duck Duck Cougar?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
