after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
