dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
