I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
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I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
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Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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