So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
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You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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