So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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