I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
