allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
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