In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
