I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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